


Kink Negotiation

by samptra



Series: Winter Steve [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Established Relationship, Fluff, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Protective Steve Rogers, Rimming, Roleplay, Steve Rogers as the Winter Soldier, Sweet, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 04:47:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19716499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samptra/pseuds/samptra
Summary: “Steve, I want you to know that no matter what I love you. I never want you to anything that makes you uncomfortable, or unsure.” His tone was serious, and his expression open and honest, this was his real Anthony Stark; loving and kind.“This is kink negotiation, isn’t it?” Steve wished for the millionth time his voice wasn’t such a mess.Anthony smiled at him brushing his hair back, tucking it behind his ears. “Yes, I guess it is,” he smiled at him softly.





	Kink Negotiation

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! With another Winter Soldier Steve fic, and I had an idea for one more in this series I think. For now, at least this is just a fluff mess of feels. I am working on re-doing an old fic and posting it as well so if your interested keep an eye out for that. This one is just some fluffy mess, so enjoy for what it is. Few little triggering things maybe? But not much, anyway enjoy! You don't have to read in order but having read the other two would really help

* * *

“On your six Barnes,” the calm voice rasped across the coms, as the Winter Solider moved through the chaos with deadly intent.

Tony paused hovering above the mess to glancing down at his boyfriend, a swell of pride bubbling up in his chest as he watched the man. Steve had settled so seamlessly into the group in the field it was almost eerie. He knew the movements of each of them, was able to keep eyes on all, and he would often help Cap when making judgment calls. Steve had a level head, and offered sound suggestions that Bucky could see no fault with.

“Anthony, three o-clock,” a quiet voice grated in his ear bringing back to the here and now.

“10-4 boo,” he chirped.

Bucky sighed heavily, “Guys.”

Steve grunted, and Tony saw him flatten four of the odd alien things that seemed hell-bent on taking down the city. They’d been at this fight for a while now, and Tony would admit he was getting tired out. He could only imagine how those on the ground were fairing. At least they had a full bench for this little outing.

He rolled as Falcon hollered, “On your left.”

Tony fell in sync with Sam as they managed to clear the skies for the moment, over the com’s Bucky and Steve were working out a plan down below. The good Cap sounded a little out of breath, “Maybe if we split them…” he trailed off.

Steve in contrast sounded completely in control, “Maybe if we cut off the source, and bring down the gate,” his voice was a hoarse growl. 

“Great idea Steve,” and the Cap was off again barking orders and the others following behind.

Tony grinned behind his mask, Bucky was a good leader, he was Captain America after all he’d lead the Hallowing Commandos; he was larger than life. Steve though…Steve was a natural. He lead, but it was with a quiet and calm. He was the eye of the storm.

Steve’s plan proved successful, they soon closed the gate, then set about picking off the stragglers. This was Clint and Steve's wheelhouse. 

They set up side by side the roof of one of the buildings, Tony vaguely listening to them over the com’s as he helped a ruffled Bruce gather up pieces of the machine that seemed to have punched a hole through time and space.

“Highest kill count chooses dinner?” Clint asked.

“You’re on,” Steve graveled.

Bucky tried to interject, “Chatter guys.” The pair completely ignored him.

  
“Come on dude, three with one bullet?” Clint gripped.

“Thirty-six,” Steve counted out calmly.

“Ok that was a pretty impressive shot there Stevie,” Bucky admitted.

Tony couldn’t keep the stupid grin off his face, it was an incredible turn on how much of a badass Steve was.

By the end of it, Steve walked away with the highest count, “Urgh you’re going to order something weird, again aren’t you?” Clint complained, Tony silently agreed with the archer’s observation, the last time Steve had picked had been a place that printed the food out. It had tasted like mush.

“There is this place I heard that does only frozen food,” Steve grumbled and the coms echoed with everyone’s groan. Tony smothered his laughter, he'd eaten stranger things with Steve. Tony wasn’t so interested in dinner though, he was far more interested in getting his hands on Steve.

He was fantasizing about a sweaty post-battle Steve to pushing him against the wall and peeling his suit off him...with that metal arm. Tony shivered and realized Bruce was waiting for him to respond. Tony had no idea what he’d said.

“Sorry Bruce what?” he tried to stuff down the fantasy for later.

“Cap was asking us to regroup, we’re headed home.”

Tony wanted to cheer, hell yes, “Yup time to go!” he was hurrying back towards the others, spotting his boyfriend right away, his rifle casually slung on his shoulder, as he conversed with Bucky and Sam. Hurrying over to join them, he sent his lover a look, one he was hoping looked seductive. A blonde brow arched, but his face remained impassive as usual.

“They’re making sex eyes again,“ Sam complained.

Bucky sighed heavily, clearly done with all of them, “Let’s go home.”

-#-#-#-

Tony groaned as Steve plundered his mouth, he hadn’t even managed to get out of his suit and Steve was on him all heat and passion. Tony was so turned on it hurt. He needed to get out of this, and Steve needed to get in him. He felt a metal arm rasp against his suit and he bit Steve’s lip tugging gently.

Suddenly Steve was pulling away, he looked wreaked, pupils blown, sweat beading his brow. “I have to…I have too…” he was mumbling in Russian, looking like he was trying to get control over himself.

Tony grew concerned, “Steve love?”

“I have to go,” he explained still speaking in Russian as he quickly left the room. Tony frozen and more than a little confused. Gathering his scattered thoughts Tony tried to reason through it. Maybe today had triggered something in Steve’s memories.

Suddenly Tony was panicked, what if Steve was having an episode? He quickly tried to shed the armor and go after him, only the metal on his right gauntlet seemed to have melded to his arm. He struggled with it a few minutes before he gave up running down the hall after his boyfriend.

“Where’d he go Fri?” he called, rounding a corner at a run.

"Gym boss, may I add his vitals do not indicate a triggering episode."

Tony nodded, and by the time he burst in Steve was laying into a punching bags, one already laying split at his feet. Tony slowed approaching with his arms raised in front of him trying to seem as non-threatening as possible. Not that he was worried that Steve would hurt him. Even in Steve’s worse moments, Tony had learned, viscerally, the extreme measures Steve would go to make sure he didn’t harm Tony.

_He awoke to an empty bed and a feeling of dread._

_“Fri where is he?”_

_“Kitchen boss, warning; Sargent Rogers has an elevated heart rate and is non-responsive.”_

_Tony cursed as he hurried out of bed pulling on a sweater of Steve’s as he headed for the kitchen. He only vaguely noticed the thunderstorm that raged outside the compound as he focused on finding Steve, more worried then he would even admit to himself. Steve was doing well, so well that he often forgot just how much he’d come through. No one could have lived through what Steve had and not come away with permeant damage._

_Tony rounded the corner spotting Steve’s imposing frame still as a statue in the middle of the kitchen facing away from him, in nothing more than his boxer briefs. Tony moved slowly into the room, “Steve, love?” he called softly, announcing his presence._

_“Steve? Sweetie? You ok love?” Tony moved around the man, Steve didn’t so much as twitch._

_Long blonde hair hung limp, covering his face, as vacant blue eyes stared dully forward. Tony felt his chest tighten, “Steve,” he breathed reaching for him; Tony never saw the knife._

_There was a flash of metal, as lightning illuminated the kitchen, and time slowed to a crawl. All he could think of was Steve, Tony closed his eyes flinching in anticipation of the bite of the metal. He heard the horrible sound of steel meeting flesh, waiting for the inevitable pain._

_Only it never came._

_Slowly, hesitantly he opened his eyes, Steve still had that vacant expression but his chest was heaving as if he’d run a marathon. The kitchen lit again with lightning and Tony found the knife; it was right through Steve’s flesh and blood hand._

_He gasped, “Steve!” He hurried to grab a tea towel from the stove wrapping it around the knife trying to staunch the blood._

_“Oh, sweetheart why?” he whispered pained._

_Steve’s expression never changed, “I would cut my own hand off before I hurt you,” he spoke in Russian his voice sounded ruined, emotionless and distant._

_Tony couldn’t help the tears that slipped down his cheeks._

“Steve love?” Tony called and the man punching the bag paused turning to look at him, eyes clear, and focused.

“Anthony,” he returned, pausing in his movements.

Tony took a moment to breathe, Steve was still with him. He approached then lowering his arms, blue eyes tracking his movements frowning at his right arm still incased in the suit. “I was worried,” breathed getting into Steve’s space.

The big man cocked his head, “Why?”

Tony touched his still metal arm to Steve’s, “You ran off, I was worried…” he trailed off.

“That I had an episode,” Steve finished for him flatly.

Tony exhaled big arms reached for him gathering him close, “I’m ok Anthony.” Tony buried his face against the strong chest, finally letting the tension bleed from him. He hadn’t realized how on edge he was, until that moment. They stayed that way a long while, before he felt Steve covering his still gauntleted hand with his own metal one, he could feel the question.

“It’s stuck, got dented in the fight,” he mummed face still pressed against Steve.

There was a hum in the wide chest, “I’ll help you get it off.”

Tony grinned, “Thanks big guy.”

-#-#-#-

Tony had forgotten all about the unusual episode until it repeated again after another fight. High on adrenaline, another win for the Avengers and Steve being a badass, Tony all but jumped him the second they were alone at the compound. Steve seeming all for it, before he’d gently disentangle and move away from Tony and head to the gym.

Tony, worried, went to check on him, but Steve assured him he was fine before returning to his work out. Tony had been a little hurt retreating to his workshop, but reason eventually won out and Tony figured maybe Steve just wasn’t feeling it at that moment. He respected that and soon lost himself in his work until big arms were around him and Steve was kissing him so sweetly as he carried him off to bed.

Tony wouldn’t have thought any more of it only this pattern repeated several more times, always the same sequence of events; Steve seemed so on board with it until he wasn't. Disappearing to the gym, only to return sometime later and make love to him. It was oddly confusing, Tony couldn’t really reconcile it together. He wanted Steve, Steve wanted him, and yet why the separation? Tony tried to reason it out, but really at the end of the day, all he could really think is that maybe Steve wasn't into post-battle sex.

Far be it from Tony to get bent out of joint about it, it was fine. Tony was not at all disappointed in their sex life. Steve had stamina for days, and the man was well endowed. They hadn’t really crossed the bridge into ‘kink’ territory yet. Not that Tony was in any sort of hurry, they would get there. Tony smiled to himself as he opened his file on his boyfriend's arm working on upgrading the connectors for less of a pull where the arm attached.

-#-#-#-

“Stevie! Just the man I wanted to see,” Bucky strode into the kitchen arms full and looking pleased as punch. Steve looked up from his card game with Sam, he was trying to teach the man to play poker better, but he had the worst poker face Steve had ever seen.

“What’s that Buck?” Sam asked as the man gently set down a large wooden box that has seen better days.

Steve raised a brow a little curious despite himself, “Looks like an old footlocker, “he rasped.

Bucky looked up at him giddily, “Not just any footlocker, your footlocker!”

Sam’s eyebrows raised, “No shit?”

They both stood from the table moving closer, Steve a little bit hesitant, a wealth of emotions bubbling up as he stared at the faded lettering on the top.

_Sgt. Steven G. Rogers_.

“G?” Sam asked.

“Grant,” Steve answered surprised at his remembrance.

Bucky was ecstatic, “Yeah!”

He turned the footlocker to him, “You want to do the honours?”

Steve grunted as he quickly snapped the rusted-out lock with his metal hand, the whole hinge coming with it.

“Easy tiger,” Sam teased. Steve shot him a look before he carefully opened the box and they all peered inside. It smelled musty, long misused and forgotten. Steve reached in carefully pulling out some old blankets, on the top.

Bucky chuckled a little sadness creeping into his tone, “You were always cold, we always kept extra around.”

Steve pulled out a few well-used army issued shirts and pants, followed by a dress uniform. Sam whistled impressed, “Nice man.”

Steve frowned something niggling at the back of his mind as he looked at the uniform coat, medals neatly pinned to it. Something sharp ripped across his consciousness, painful and emotion-filled. The memory was hazy and disjointed, like all of the memories, some old black and white movie about someone else’s life.

“The Whip & Fiddle,” he murmured, he heard Bucky gasp looking up just in time to see the man coming for him arms extended for a hug.

Steve stepped back holding up a hand, “No” he’d reached his hug quota for the day.

Sam sighed, “Come here you big lug,” he took Steve’s place hugging Bucky tight, while Steve rooted through more of the locker. At the bottom, he located a large leather folio. Curious he opened it, it was full of drawings; beautifully rendred drawings.

Steve reached out a metal hand gently touching them as something more connected through his head. He’d drawn these, he’d been an artist? He looked up to see Bucky watching him intently, eyes moving from the drawings to him and back. Sam looked on curious as well.

“These yours Steve?” Sam asked looking at the war-torn landscape.

Steve frowned, “Yes?” but it sounded more like a question.

Bucky was teary-eyed, "He wanted…he was going to go to school. To be an artist after, the war." 

Sam was looking at him then expression softening, “You can keep drawing Steve, I’m sure we can get you some stuff.”

Steve shook his head snapping the book closed, “No,” he mumbled putting it back into the footlocker, and Bucky took a hitching breath the tears so close to the surface. Sam looked confused, Bucky was hugging him again little gasping breaths unable to get the words out.

So, Steve explained, "I'm left-handed." 

-#-#-#-

“Steve love, I have some new modifications I want to-” Tony cut off as he caught sight of his boyfriend standing before the mirror in their shared room. He felt his eyebrows lift I surprise, rather pleased surprise. Steve stood before the mirror wearing his WW II military dress uniform. Tony felt his breath leave in an audible sigh, good lord the man looked fine. Even if the sleeves were too short and the coat couldn't quite button all the way across his wide chest. The pants several inches too short and tight across his thick thighs.

Steve turned him curious, “Modifications?” he asked in that husky rasp, messy blond hair tied back out of the way. Tony lost his train of thought completely, he moved across to the room, desire suddenly burning through him.

He’d always had a bit of a thing for a man in uniform, something about the crisp lines, and dashing figure they cut. He’d sure as hell spent enough time around uniforms in his life. Tony paused to pick up the hat that rested on the bedpost, reaching Steve he stood on his tiptoes placing the hat on his head.

Blue eyes tracked his movements curiously, Tony sucked in a breath, a hot roll of lust rippling through him. “Come here often soldier?” he had meant the words to be teasing, but some of his excitement must have spilled over into his voice. Steve’s brow crinkled a little in confusion and he cocked his head to the side.

Tony reached out smoothing callused fingers across the material pulling tight across wide shoulders. He moved his hands down thick arms, across his chest touching and caressing. Tony couldn’t resist, “Care for a dance soldier?”

Suddenly there was music, the soft voice of Rosemary Clooney filled the space as _I’ll Be Seeing You_ played softly through the speakers. Steve automatically slotted his hands with Tony, his metal one resting on his hip as the moved slowly. Tony pressing far closer than was respectable.

Steve seemed to have lost some of his confusion as the moved around the bedroom. Tony closed his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to imagine a smoke-filled British pub, blackout shades softening the space, warm beer, and gentle music as couples danced close on crowded floors. The place filled with uniforms from all over the world.

Tony lost himself a bit in the fantasy, he was a total history nerd and a big Captain America fan. Everyone had been when he was young, he was pretty sure every boy had imagined at some point, helping the Cap on one of his daring escapades with the Hallowing Commandos. Now he was here with Sargent Steven Rogers himself, best friend to Captain America, and in Tony’s opinion the more handsome of the pair. Tony pressed closer, Steve pulling him tighter as they swayed.

Tony wanted him, and he wanted him now, as they circled the room again he gently pushed Steve down on the bed. The big man went willingly, those endlessly blue eyes looking up at him trusting and open. Tony found himself talking, he couldn’t help it, he was all in on the fantasy, living out a small part of his adolescent life.

“Just back from a mission Sargent?” he whispered as he climbed onto Steve straddling his waist. Steve, for all his faulty memories, was no dummy, he caught on quick, features smoothing as strong hands gently gripped his hips, “Yes,” he rasped, husky voice just a little more on the sultry side.

“Looking for a little companionship on leave?” Tony breathed the words against this lips before kissing him, all messy heat.

Steve reached his real hand up to cup his face as Tony ground down against him, feeling the others substantial erection pressing into to the khaki uniform he wore. Tony shivered deliciously, he pulled back looking down at the man beneath him. Grinning wickedly, he unbuttoned what Steve had managed to get closed across his broad chest.

Leaving the shirt open but on, he pushed up the white undershirt, nipping and teasing pink nipples as he licked a trail across the broad planes of muscle. Taking every opportunity to touch and grind against Steve he moved lower, Steve hadn’t bothered to do up the pants, and Tony smirked as he mouthed Steve through his snug boxer briefs. He felt a gentle hand in his hair, caressing, as the muscles of Steve’s thighs twitched under the tight fabric. Glancing up at his lover through his lashes he pulled Steve free immediately swallowing down as much of him as he could.

The now family rumbled came then, as Steve’s ruined vocal cords vibrated. Tony hollowed his cheeks bobbing his head, unable to help but moan as glanced up at the debauched looking solider spread before him. Tony wasn’t in a mood to tease, he released him with a wet pop, rearing back he ripped his own dirty tank off, Steve helped him tug his jeans and underwear off. Nude he reached for the lube on the nightstand still pinning Steve in place with his legs.

A metal hand smoothed down his thigh tenderly, Tony turned back mashing his lips to Steve’s as he rolled his hips. Hands moving to open the lube and quickly squirting some on his fingers. He devoured Steve’s lips and he worked quickly to loosen himself up. Slick fingers stretching himself as he moaned into Steve's mouth… _Sargent_ Rogers.

Tony was done, moving slick fingers to coat Steve he was steadying himself with one hand on the wide chest, canting his hips he slowly impaled himself on the super-soldier.

Biting a lip, he groaned deep in his chest as he felt the burn and pull of being stretched to capacity. Steve was big every time, panting he looked down, the man below him looked wreaked, pupils were blown wide he started up at him reverently as big hands, one flesh and blood, one metal cupped his ass holding him gently as he got used to him. 

Shifting he bottomed out, moaning lowly he couldn’t help but close his eyes and he waited for the sting to abate. Panting he shifted slightly, fingers tightening on his hips, not enough to bruise but a small amount of pressure. Pleasure rippled through him and Tony found himself looking down at the solider below him. He moved again, shifting and adjusting until ”Steve!” he breathed back bowing as he hit that sweet spot and stars danced behind his eyes.

Tony was gone then, babbling mindlessly and he rolled and jostled his hips, “Oh yes, Sargent,” Steve’s vocal cords vibrated and he helped lift his hips. Tony was already so turned on, he knew he wouldn’t last long, as he ground down, flexing his muscles as he did. Steve grunted, still holding on for dear life and Tony rode him hard. 

“Oh shit, yes, Steve right there, yes, yes, yes!” he all but screamed and his orgasm rippled through him. Steve wasn't far behind, bucking into him once, twice, before warm wetness was filling him. 

Exhausted Tony collapsed forward, Steve easily taking his weight. Humming content Tony tried to get his breath under control again, grinning when he realized the music was still playing in the background.

“Anthony?” he felt the voice more then he heard it, soft hands rubbing his back. Tony turned his head chin resting on Steve’s chest as he looked into curious blue eyes, he smiled softly, “Thanks for indulging me love, I couldn’t resist you in uniform.” Humming content again leaned kissing lips sweetly before, before slowly shifting off Steve. He was probably going to regret going that hard later…totally worth it.

Steve moved to steady him, as Tony walked awkwardly to the bathroom to clean up. He headed for the shower, Steve joining him soon after.

“What did you mean by indulging?” Steve rasped softly, Tony leaned back into the bigger man humming content.

“Indulging my little kink,” Tony murmured feeling sleepy and soft as the warm water washed them clean. He felt big hands on him, the metal of his left arm warm under the spray of water.

“Kink?”

Tony could hear the question in the words, “Like a sexual taste, something that turns you on. Usually, kinks are a little unusual.”

Steve was silent awhile and Tony knew he was turning it over, he figured more questions would follow, but he was content to wait for Steve to work it out. They finished their shower, kissing lazily under the spray until Tony put a stop to it as his fingers pruned. Getting out they dried Steve finally seeming to get his thoughts in order as they moved back into the bedroom pulling on the respective PJs.

“What was your kink Anthony?” he finally asked.

Tony spotted the uniform neatly folded on the bedside chair, "Well the uniform was part of it, but seeing you in just reminded me….” He trailed off feeling his cheeks heat a little embarrassed. Steve was looking at him again, those intense blue eyes, so genuine and…so honest.

“Reminded you?” he prompted softly, voice a husky rasp.

Tony slid into bed, and Steve followed, Tony immediately cuddling up to him. Burring his face against him he inhaled the warm, clean scent of Steve, “It remained of the stories that Howard and Peggy used to tell of the Hollowing Commandos…of Captain America, and his best friend Sargent Rogers.” He rolled up to rest his chin on Steve’s chest again, looking him in the eye. Gentle hands messaging his back, snaking under the loose tank top he wore.

“I always had this stupid fantasy as a kid, you know, of being a Commando fighting with you and Bucky. When I got a little older, some of those fantasies got a little more R rated.”

Steve’s lips turned up a bit, “Tell me,” his voice was huskier then, and Tony wished his blush would fade. He hid his face against the wide bare chest, shrugging his shoulders.

“I dunno,” he mumbled against the warm skin. “I guess meeting you in a smoky pub, whisking you away somewhere private…”

Steve grumbled a big hand in his hair.

“Is there a name for it?” Steve asked then, hands still dancing across Tony.

"Well, roleplay I guess."

They fell into comfortable silence then, content to just enjoying each other. Tony was hovering near sleep when something caught in his mind.

“Steve?” he mumbled not moving from where his face was mashed into the other’s side. Steve grunted in affirmation, “Where did you get that uniform?”

Steve ran a hand through his still-damp hair, "Bucky found my old footlocker, was curious if my uniform still fit.”

Tony couldn’t help but chuckle sleep creeping across his mind, “It doesn’t fit.”

The last thing he heard was a soft huff, “Still glad I tried it on.”

-#-#-#-

Steve sat before his laptop, multiple tabs open as he navigated his way through what he was beginning to learn was a very tricky subject. He had started with the word ‘kink’ and had gone down what Anthony referred too and an internet black hole.

After his entraining, but ultimately useless conversation with Bucky about how to have sex with a man he’d taken to the internet to do research. Only he was realizing now, after a very erotic encounter with his boyfriend that he was woefully ignorant when it came to some of the intricate facets of sex. So, on a rare rainy Sunday afternoon, he sat on the common room sofa trying to get his mind around the plethora of ‘kinks' that seemed to exist.

He’d looked up ‘roleplay’ right away, having quite enjoyed that encounter with Anthony. He hadn’t really understood at the time what was happening, but as it was his beloved he'd gone along with it. Now he understood the idea of ‘pretending' to be someone different for a little while. He'd also learned about kink negotiation, and what a scene was, he realized now what they’d done had been a little spur of the moment, but he was not at all averse to trying it again. As a matter of fact, there were a couple so-called kinks that he’d found that appealed to him. He was hoping that Anthony would be willing to indulge him in, but only if he consented to it.

Consent was always important.

He was about to finish up for the day figuring he had some more mission parameters to work with when on a whim, he clicked another link that immediately took him to a website that asked him if he was over the age of 21. No stranger to porn, he casually clicked through and started scrolling through the pictures and videos.

His blood ran cold.

Steve’s fingers began to tremble and his heart roared in his ears, the pictures on screen featured men and women bound, gagged, and injured…Steve immediately shut down the window, but the imagines wouldn’t leave. He could still see them, only now it was Anthony. His Anthony bound, gagged, and hurt; he wanted to vomit.

Steve needed to see him, he needed to reassure himself. He could feel the cold blackness at his periphery threating, that darkness that took his mind and shut him down.

“Friday,” he rasped.

"Yes, Sargent?"

“Anthony?” he tried to steady his breath to center himself, to gain some marginal control.

“Boss is in the workshop,” nodding Steve tried to shakily get to his feet, but he couldn’t seem to get his limbs to cooperate. That blackness crept closer, his mind-numbing and those terrible thoughts bleeding away. All thoughts leaving him as he shut down.

“ _Steve_?”

He could hear the voice but it seemed far away, he felt like he was underwater.

“ _Steve?_ ”

He knew that voice, it was familiar to him, warm, safe.

“Steve, love.”

He reached for the surface pushing away the numb dark and into the light again.

"Anthony?" he croaked, jaw aching, he must have been clenching his teeth again. 

“Steve,” the voice sighed relieved, callused hands were in his hair tenderly carding through it, as his boyfriend held him close.

He closed his eyes basking in the warmth, letting it bleed into the cold in his mind. “Friday alerted me,” Anthony whispered kissing his temple. “Are you ok? Did you have an episode?”

Steve sunk further into the embrace, “Yeah,” he rasped, assuring himself Anthony was safe, unharmed and with him.

His boyfriend gave a soft snort of understanding, “Was it the storm?”

Steve didn’t even realize it was storming, he shook his head, “No,” he muttered burying his face against Anthony’s neck and inhaling, he smelt faintly of metal, sandalwood, and clean sweat. “It was BDSM,” he muttered against his skin. He felt Anthony stiffen in his arms, gently disengaging but keeping his hands on his arms, keeping Steve grounded and he was thankful for that.

“Ok love, please explain,” Anthony gently rubbed his thumbs on his arms. Steve nodded, he had learned from past experience that he often announced what was foremost in his mind without context. It’d lead to some hilarity among the other Avengers, and occasionally pained embarrassment on behalf of others.

“I was looking up kinks,” he explained, “I wanted to better understand, gain mission perimeters.” 

Anthony regarded him steadily, intelligent brown eyes soft and loving, as well as keenly aware. “I clicked on BDSM, I did not…” he trailed off, trying to find the right way to explain. Lucky his love was genius.

“You found it was not at all for you.”

Steve exhaled, nodding, “Yes.”

Anthony smiled at him kissing his nose, “That’s ok love, I am not interested in that either. Some are, but not for me.” Steve felt something loosen and lighten in his chest. Perhaps he’d been a little worried that Anthony might be. The thought of hurting Anthony made him physically ill.

He was terrified of accidentally hurting Anthony, so much so he made sure he to cool down post-battle lest he accidentally use to much strength.

“Aside from that, did you learn anything interesting?”

Steve nodded, “I did.”

Anthony gently cupped his face then, standing between his legs as he smoothed his thumbs across Steve’s cheekbones. Steve loved when Anthony touched him, it was nice to be touched…he'd missed that causal contact, one that was loving and kind.

“Steve, I want you to know that no matter what I love you. I never want you to anything that makes you uncomfortable, or unsure.” His tone was serious, and his expression open and honest, this was his real Anthony Stark; loving and kind.

“This is kink negotiation, isn’t it?” Steve wished for the millionth time his voice wasn’t such a mess.

Anthony smiled at him brushing his hair back, tucking it behind his ears. “Yes, I guess it is,” he smiled at him softly.

Steve reached out lifting Anthony into his lap and gathering him close, his smaller lover went willingly as he settled back into the couth finally feeling like he had some semblance of control.

"I love you, Anthony," he murmured kissing tousled hair.

“Love you too Steven,” he whispered.

-#-#-#-

“Tony, could I talk to you a moment?”

Tony looked up from his phone spotting Cap heading his way, the man had his jaw set like he was on a mission.

“Sure, thing Spangles what can I do for you?”

Bucky ran a hand through already tousled hair, as he seemed to collect his thoughts, “It’s about Steve.”

Tony nodded leaning a hip against the kitchen counter as he gave the man his full attention.

“About a week ago I found his footlocker, and I gave it back to him.” He paused and Tony nodded, trying not to smirk, he vividly recalled that day.

“I had been hoping it would jog his memory, or it would be nice to have his stuff back…” he trailed off again. Tony wanted to roll his eyes, Cap was a good man no doubt, but he often struggled to get to the point.

“What happened Cap?”

“Drawings,” he blurted out looking shamefaced.

“Drawings?” Tony echoed confused, a dark head nodded.

“Steve is-was, an artist, he was going to go to school after the war. He always carried a folio with him…even during the war. He left it in his footlocker.” Tony waited for something was missing, there was more to this story. 

“I was worried it upset him when he saw it, he said it didn’t, but I can never tell with him. I wanted to let you know though just in case.”

Tony slowly straightened, something uneasy creeping across his mind, “Why would it upset him?”

Captain Barnes looked pained, "He was left-handed." 

Tony nodded keeping his expression smooth as his heart broke, “Thanks Buck, for letting me know.” The man gave him a small smile and a nod before he was heading away, leaving Tony to his thoughts.

This was new information for him, Tony had no inclination that Steve had been an artist, he never showed any particular interest towards art or drawing in the time Tony had known him. Mind you Steve tended to find interests in unusual things, Tony called them phases, but that had been fairly minor things, like his fascination for 80’s pop culture.

Still, Steve had never mentioned drawing, or even finding the folio. To be fair Steve’s memory was spotty on the best of days, his time un Hydra had permeate damaged his memory centers. He could remember something he heard in passing on the street but forgot what he'd had for lunch an hour ago. The mind was a funny thing.

Tony frowned as he headed back down to his lab, maybe it was a sensitive subject? His mind was already moving through. In his lab, he called up the schematics on Steve’s arm, studying them closely, sure he could improve the fine motor skills of the metal hand.

He would do it.

For Steve, Tony knew without a doubt he would do anything for him.

-#-#-#-

Steve reached up gently running his real fingers through the shorn sides of his hair for the umpteenth time.

“Don’t worry about it, it looks great, Tony’s going to love it,” Sam assured him, and Steve knew he was trying to hide his smile. They had been gone almost a week on a rather low key assignment. Mainly chasing down a lead about a potential Hydra cell, which had proved true, but they’d been fragmented and disorganized. Most of the time had been chasing them down and getting rid of them. Steve had thoroughly enjoyed it, any chance to get a little revenge on Hydra he’d gladly take it. While they had been gone he’d finally got fed up with his too-long hair and cut it. Sam had assured him it was the current fashion shorn on the sides and long on top, he hadn’t wanted to cut it off completely as Tony was very fond of burying his fingers in it.

He’d also found himself enjoying Sam’s company while they’d been on the mission. The man was genuine, compassionate, and worshiped the ground Buck walked on. Steve had teased him mercilessly about his hero-worship.

Steve nodded giving a small yawn as he stood stretching tired muscles, absently rubbing his shoulder, the cold often got in his shoulder and made it ache were flesh and metal met. They disembarked in companionable silence.

“Going to sack out,” Sam called wearily as he disappeared towards his rooms. Steve grunted as he turned heading for the workshop. He needed a shower and he was hoping Anthony was still up and willing to join him, then maybe a nap.

With the thought of his lover on his mind he picked up his pace he rounding the corner spotting the workshop fully lit, and music thumping. Tapping in his code he stepped inside, feeling the tension he didn’t even know begin to bleed from his shoulders. The smaller man was currently welding something on the far side of the lab. He wore coveralls, pulled down and tied about his waist, as the white tank underneath strained against the arc in his chest. Wiry muscles where slick with sweat and Steve felt his breath catch. He’d missed Anthony, god he’d missed him. He hadn’t realized how entwined in his life had become with the genius.

Steve had barely slept unable to settle without the warm, calming presence of his lover at his side. Being alone let that cold silence bleed back in his mind, and he didn’t want that. He wanted the burning star that was Iron Man. Anthony kept that cold ice at bay.

A sharp wolf whistle brought him back to the here and now, “Hello hot stuff, I was waiting on my boyfriend but…” Anthony trailed off winking at him, and Steve ran a restless hand through his new hairstyle. 

“Is it ok?” he rasped, unsure.

Anthony was before him so fast Steve was sure he had some sort of superpower. "Sexy as hell,“ he assured him before kissing the breath right out of him.

Steve felt his lips twitch up as he pulled him close, losing himself in the moment. This is what he'd miss, the warmth, the taste, Anthony… eventually, they parted and Steve leaned his forehead against his lovers, “Missed you,” he breathed.

“Missed you too big guy,” he felt Anthony’s rough hands reach up and card through the shorter hair, before rubbing against the shorn sides.

“Sam said it was fashionable,” he explained, and Anthony hummed.

“He was right.”

They were kissing again, Anthony melting into him and Steve was remembering a conversation that they had started just before he left. During their downtime during the mission, Steve had rounded out his research a bit, studiously avoiding anything that may have been triggering. However, he did have something he wanted to try.

Pulling back Steve kissed his nose, “Shower?” he rumbled.

Anthony hummed, “Oh yes big guy.”

Steve felt strong arms circle his neck before Anthony was kissing him again Steve easily taking his weight when he jumped wrapping his legs around his waist. Moving slowly, making sure to not breaking contact Steve guided them into the bathroom, the shower already running as Tony released his legs immediately set about divesting Steve of his uniform.

Steve returned the favor, eager to have Anthony naked and in his arms again. Stumbling into the shower, Steve gently pressed Tony into the wall sliding a big thigh between the engineer’s legs as they pressed together under the spray. Steve felt Anthony moan into his mouth as he rolled his hips, erection already pressing into him.

The ex-assassin pulled back slightly, pressing one last sweet kiss to Anthony’s lips before working his way across the strong jaw, “There is something I would like to try,” he rumbled against shower warm skin. He nipped at Anthony’s neck making the other man gasp.

“Oh yeah, what would you like baby?”

Steve moved a big hand around cupping Anthony’s ass he brushed big fingers against his opening. “I would like to,” he kissed him slowly, “Lick you right here.”

Steve felt Anthony arch into him, as he groaned low in his throat, “Oh god yes.”

With one last sweet kiss, Steve pulled all the way back for a moment remember something he’d read, “We should have a safe word.” He watched as dark eyes blinked at him dazed. Steve couldn’t help but messaged lean hips gently, waiting as Anthony worked through his words.

“Red,” Tony breathed, wrapping his arms around his neck again. Steve nodded he liked it, red as in stop.

“Red,” he repeated, he leaning close once more, “You will use it if you need it.” 

He felt the smaller man grin against his lips, “Same for you love.”

Steve kissed him then, and there were no more words as he kissed down his neck and across the hard planes of muscle. Slowly he sank to his knees, Steve felt his own desire start curling in his belly as he pressed a kiss to Anthony’s hip, glancing up at his boyfriend he opened his mouth swallowing him down.

He felt Antony’s hands tangle in his wet hair as he groaned, “Oh god every time,” Steve watched pleased as his lover came apart above him, humming he swallowed further, pleased he was able to do this for him.

“Oh, Christ love, Steve you keep that up…” understanding he pulled off with a wet pop, glancing up at his flushed, thoroughly aroused boyfriend. Gently turned the man, careful to use his metal hand only as support, worried about accidentally bruising the delicate skin of his lover.

Steve carefully pressed a kiss to Anthony’s spine, feeling him shudder under his ministrations. Rumbling pleased he moved lower kissing each of his pert cheeks, using his real hand to massage the warm flesh of his thigh, carefully as he moved closer to his goal. His own lust, mixed with anticipation. “Shit Steve,” Anthony groaned from somewhere above him, and that was all the encouragement he needed.

He gave a long, slow, tentative lick across Anthony’s quivering hole. The smaller man moaned obscenely, taking it as a cue Steve got to work. He thoroughly lapped at the most intimate part of his lover, teasing and testing, seeing what kind of erotic noses he could wring out of the other. He could feel Anthony’s legs quivering, as he pressed back into the ministrations. Steve hooked one of his legs resting it on his shoulder for support as the new angle allowed him the press further into the other.

“Ahhh fuck Steve, yes, oh my god yes,” Steve probed his tongue inside curious and emboldened by the reaction for his lover. It was an unusual taste, musky, but something so uniquely Anthony. He pressed as far as he could tongue inside the man as he pressed forward supporting more of the man’s weight as his legs seemed unable to support him anymore.

“Steve!” he was all but screaming his name now, and that more than anything aroused Steve, the sounds of Tony enjoying himself, he couldn’t help the moan that thrummed through his ruined vocal cords.

“Steve I’m going to…” he felt a strong hand grip his metal one still gently supporting the other’s hip, and Steve licked deeper. Steve felt Tony press back into him, and he took his weight easily. “Fuck Steve, yes!”

He felt Anthony quiver, his hole spasm around his tongue, and he heard Anthony give a long drawn out groan and he was cumming. Steve worked him through it, lapping and teasing until he felt Tony pulling away. He felt Tony slide off him and turning in his arm as he sank down sitting in Steve lap pinning his own neglected erection between them.

Steve took in his lover, the man looked blissed-out, face flushed and panting. “Jesus Steve,” was all he mumbled before he was kissing him and grinding against Steve with purpose. The Winter Solider settled his hands on the other's hips, as the smaller man rubbed against them again. Steve was suddenly reminded how hard and aching he was, Anthony slid against him again and he shuddered it wouldn't take much. 

They kissed under the spray, heated and deep, Anthony wrapped his arms around his neck rolling his hips steadily, parting to moan as his no doubt sensitive hole brushed his length. Steve wanted to hear those noises again he wanted Anthony to talk to him in that husky wreaked voice, tell him how much he loved the things he did to him.

“Talk to me,” he growled against a hot shoulder, wishing he was better at articulating his wants. Anthony though seemed to understand, as the man kissed his neck before pressing his lips to his ear.

“Talk to you love? Tell much how I loved you eating my ass?” Steve shuddered as Anthony told him in very descriptive words exactly how much he loved everything he’d done to him.

Grinding down against him as he whispered all the things he’d done to him, how good he felt, and how good Steve was. That was all it took, Tony’s sultry voice whispering to him how good he made him feel, and those lean hips pressing down on him. Steve captured his lips kissing him thoroughly as the building tension finally unwound and he was spilling hard between them.

Spent and replete they languidly kissed, before the pounding water remind them where they were. Chuckling Anthony pulled away reluctant, “That was a homecoming if there ever was one.”

Steve steadied him as he stood, groaning, “My knees aren’t what they used to be.”

Steve silently agreed as he finally moved as well, realizing his legs were pins and needles from being on them so long. 

They finished their shower leisurely before heading to bed. Steve’s long week away of restless nights starting to catch up to him. Pulling on clean underwear he slid into bed Anthony joining him, wiggling until he had his head tucked under his chin and arms around his middle. Steve closed his eyes content in the closeness.

“I missed you,” Anthony whispered softly as if confessing a dark secret. 

Steve pressed a kiss to damp hair, “Missed you too.” 

He yawned then sleep pulling at him, "Love you, Steven," he felt more than heard Anthony mutter.

“Love you to Anthony.”

-#-#-#-

“Done,” Tony muttered triumphantly as he closed the plates at Steve’s wrists.

“Done what?” Steve looked up from the book he’d been reading while Tony worked.

“Done your upgrades, “ He grinned removing the lead cables and pushing his glasses up on dark locks. Tony was excited if this worked…

“Upgrades?” Steve looked confused as he set aside his book, turning to look at his arm curiously. Tony hummed handing him a pencil, Steve reached for it with his right.

"Nope, another one," Tony said. Steve frowned at him, Tony nodded encouragingly, slowly, gingerly he took the pencil Tony watching as the overlapping plates of his fingers delicately meshed and moved.

Steve held the pencil as if it would bite him, chuckling Tony slid an open sketchbook towards him. Steve raised a brow in question, “So a little birdy told me once upon a time you were a bit of an artist.”

Steve gave a snort, "Is this bird wrapped in the American flag by any chance?"

Tony laughed, “Yeah and he wasn’t so little.” 

“It’s not really a big deal,” Steve said, looking at Tony steadily. 

Tony raised an eyebrow, Steve sighed putting the pencil to the paper, frowning he started to draw. Tony eagerly peered over his shoulder to see; Steve drew a stick man with a shield.

“Really?” Tony asked him blandly.

“What? it’s Cap.”

Tony snorted with laughter, “Alright you win, but if these mods work, and we can create prosthetic limbs that are able to recreate fine motor skills it’ll revolutionize the industry. Just saying…” he held his hands out innocently.

Steve narrowed his eyes at him, grunting he turned back to the paper he flipped the page.

Tony hid his grin turning away to give the big man some privacy he returned to his own work. He felt marginally bad about guilting Steve, but he hadn’t been lying. If they could do this the possibilities were endless. Grinning over his own cleverness he got lost in his own upgrades to his suit. Losing track of time until a soft tap on his shoulder brought him back to the here and now.

Absently he patted the hand on his shoulder, “Bed?” he asked realizing for the first time that it must be late. There was a grunt behind him and he leaned back into the big warm body. Tony hummed, closing his eyes briefly before a notebook was all but shoved in his face. It took his tired mind a moment to process what he was seeing.

The hesitant pencil marks, the erased lines. He could see sharp lines and soft edges, and movement and flow, and in the middle of it all, he saw Iron Man. The perspective was from below, it was a good drawing, not great but Tony could see the potential in it. His breath caught.

“It took a while, they aren’t quite…” he trailed off Tony took the notebook, turning to look at the stoic face of his boyfriend.

“It’s amazing,” he breathed looking up at him. “I can’t believe it.”

Steve was frowning, brow knitting in confusion, “I don’t remember but my hand seemed too.”

Tony couldn’t help it, setting aside the notebook he stood gathering Steve close, he buried his face in his neck holding him tight. Steve wrapped his arms around him holding him just as tight, “I’m sorry it’s not very good.”

Tony snorted pressing a kiss to the warm flesh of his boyfriend, “It’s a start love, and that’s all that matters.”

-#-#-#-

“Cap?”

Steve lifted his head at the call.

“James?”

He recognized the voice, it was…he frowned his searching his relatively spotty memory. It was the lady, the PR lady, Anthony had brought in his own team to try and improve the somewhat tarnish image of the Avengers after the whole Accords business.

She rounded the corner into the living area, Steve still trying to think of her name.

“Hello Sargent Rogers, have you seen Captain Barnes?”

Was it Sarah? It might be, “Sorry ma'am he’s on assignment,” Steve rasped, and the lady went from irritated to irate in moments.

“Not here?” she looked at him in disbelief.

“Yes?” Steve supplied unsure what was going on.

“Nope, no way he is not gone!”

Steve looked around the empty room for help, he was sadly alone; Sam was with Buck on the mission, Clint and Tasha were on furlough, as was Vision and Wanda. Tony was in meetings in the city all day, Steve had planned to meet him for dinner.

“There is no way, I have thousands of sick kids waiting to meet Captain America and you’re saying he’s not here?”

Steve had no idea what was happening he just shook his head watching as the women paced up and down in front of him, she had pulled out her cell phone and was typing like mad. “This is a PR nightmare, people have been lined of for days. If he doesn’t show….I don’t want to think about what will happen if he doesn’t show.”

Steve sat silent tracking her wondering if he could slip away unnoticed. Moving slowly, he set aside his book, “Don’t move,” he froze watching the women warily, she was looking at him with a speculative gleam in her eye, “Suit up.”

Steve frowned, “Excuse me?”

“Congratulations, today you’re Captain America.”

-#-#-#-

Tony slumped in his chair with a sigh, “This is the worst,” he muttered.

Pepper snorted, “Well when you put off all your meetings regularly…”

Tony groaned, “I get it, my bad.” Swinging on the chair he idly glanced over at the TV screens at the far end of the board room. They were constantly running the news channel across multiple countries, always on top of how Stark Industries was doing in the world. He didn’t think much of as the local channel bounced over until he saw the words across the bottom of the scream ‘Captain America visits sick kids’. Tony frowned, wasn’t Cap halfway around the world?

The camera showed the man in full Captain America costume, shield slung on his back, posing with kids in the hospital. Curious Tony slid out of his chair approaching the TV to get a better look, maybe they had hired a Cap impersonator to go around and meet the kids? The camera panned out showing the man as he straightened, and Tony instantly knew who it was.

“Holy shit,” he breathed feeling his jaw drop in disbelief.

“What?” Pepper looked up from her tablet curious.

Tony didn’t take his eyes off Captain America, "It's Steve."

-#-#-#-

Steve was having a surreal day, to say the least. He was actually halfway convinced this was some sort of a dream he was having, or maybe a nightmare. Perhaps his damaged brain had finally snapped, and this was where he’d ended up.

The PR lady had been tenacious, telling him in no uncertain terms he was going to be filling in for Captain America today. She’d all but bullied him into one of Bucky’s old suits, ignoring the fact that the thing was too tight across his shoulders, and about 3 inches too short in the cuffs. It hadn’t mattered, gloves and combat boots had hidden the impactions. He was sure they weren’t going to get away with it though, someone would for sure notice it was Steve and Bucky in the costume.

Only freshly shaved and cowled, when he’d looked in the mirror he’d seen… Captain America.

They’d given him a fake shield Bucky had the real one, then whisked him away to the children’s hospital.

_“You’re just going to meet kids, shake hands, take photos. You don’t even really have to talk.”_

_Steve had nodded, more than a little overwhelmed by the whole situation, but he couldn’t bring himself to protest._

_After all what kind of monster would not help sick kids?_

The line of kids seemed to stretch forever, Steve was doing his best to give each one time. Whether they wanted to tell him a story, or give him a picture, pose with him whatever it was. There were so many though, and he was feeling incredibly inadequate at the moment. He had no idea how long he’d been here, but the suit was hot and it felt like the world was closing in on him.

The ever-looming blackness danced at the edges of his mind, and he was doing his best to keep it at bay. Having a full-blown episode here would not go over well. Taking a breath, he posed for the photo, accepted the letter, listened to the young boy’s chatter, gritting his teeth and pushing back against the dark.

The kid moved away and the next in line began to move towards him when a sudden commotion in the hallway had everyone turning to the doors.

Steve took a breath and another trying to center himself, counting to ten, only the door opened at five and a larger than life, red and gold figure entered and Steve lost count. Iron Man came in and the crowd went wild. Steve felt his chest loosen and the blackness slowly began to recede.

Suddenly Anthony was at his side, the helmet pulled back for a moment, and that beloved face was smiling at him, “Ok love?”

Steve felt his lips lift a bit, “I am now.”

Tony winked at him before the faceplate slid closed and he was turning to the crowd again.

It was easier then, having Anthony with him made it better. He was able to get through the rest of the line, the kids, and many of the parents getting rather excited to meet both Captain America and Iron Man; Steve did still feel a little guilty he wasn’t the real Cap after all.

Soon enough the line was dwindling and the PR lady was back, thanking them both again and again. Steve was done, it had been a very long, very draining day. He barely registered as Anthony spoke to her before suddenly metal arms were on him guiding him out of the room and towards the roof. “Come on big guy let’s get home.”

Steve grabbed hold of the armour letting a little of the tension bleed from his shoulders, “With pleasure,” he rasped.

-#-#-#-

Tony could barely contain himself as they touched down at the compound, Steve in the Captain America suit was really doing something for him. All those adolescent fantasies as a teen came roaring out of his subconscious. He’d always been a fan of Sargent Steve Rogers, of the Howling Commandos, and would always be. But some part of his lizard brain wondered what it would be like to have Captain America...

"Thanks, Anthony," he rasped as they landed outside the compound, Tony pulled back his faceplate, he was being handed a chance to cash in on this potential fantasy and he was not going to waste it. Leaning forward he kissed Steve, all teeth, tongue, and heat. He felt those strong arms come around him. Pulling back, he panted against those well-kissed lips, “Steve love, I’d really like to take this somewhere private and play out this fantasy.”

Tony watched his lips lift, “Roleplay?”

Tony kissed him thoroughly again, “You bet you sweet spangled ass.” There was a growling rasp in Steve’s chest and they were hurrying through the compound to Tony’s lab. Locking it down Tony turned to Steve, still clad in the borrowed uniform. He filled it out far better than Bucky.

“Parameters?” Steve was asking in a husky rasp.

Tony stepped forward resting armor-clad arms on big shoulders. “Just back from a fight, Iron Man and Captain America…Cap giving a dressing down for being reckless…”

He saw Steve’s lips twitch, “Safeword?”

“Red,” Tony murmured.

Steve was pulling away then, face settling into his best Cap disapproves frown and Tony wanted to smile; Steve nailed it.

“That was reckless today Iron Man,” he growled, and Tony caught his breath, with the cowl on…good god he looked every inch the patriotic hero. “You jeopardized the mission, the team…. possible civilians.”

Tony swallowed thickly, a hot coil in his belly. “So?” he finally found his tongue, realizing he had a part to play in this, "We won, didn’t we?”

Steve stepped closer, an imposing figure in the suit, “You’re undisciplined,” Steve reached for him then pulling him close and crushing their bodies together. Tony's hearing the faint clack as his metal arm reached up holding him close.

“You think before you act,” Steve leaned in close, hesitating a hairs breath away from his lips. Tony’s already dodgy heart raced against his ribs, and he breath came out in short puffs as he all but panted.

“And reckless…” he rasped before Steve was slanting his lips over Tony’s. Gasping he reached up holding on for dear life as _Captain America_ kissed him within in an inch of his life.

Tony gave as good as he got, metal hands reaching up to tug the cowl free, the material ripping in his hands as sweaty blonde locks spilled free, falling across half his face as they parted lips red and well kissed, and good Christ if that wasn’t hot.

“So, what if I’m reckless? I get the job done and that’s all that matters.” He panted out, wondering if they were still really role-playing, Steve sounded so much like Cap, he really had it down, and Tony would know; he’d been on the receiving end of those lectures more times than he really cared to recall.

“Maybe you need to back off Stark," the voice was a husky rasp, different than the Cap's, but god it got to him. The words were finding their mark in a very real way.

“Oh, I’m starting to want you to make me,” Tony growled back, they were chest to chest again.

“Big man, in a suit of armour take that off and what are you?”

Tony smiled flippantly, “Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”

Steve grinned, baring his teeth, “Maybe you should take that suit off…” he reached for him then, metal fingers catching the release and the suit fell away leaving Tony in his undersuit.

He felt suddenly bare and venerable, his mind detaching just as the armour had. Tony suddenly felt like he was someone else. Slowly he fell to his knees before Steve trembling hands reaching for those familiar uniform pants.

He looked up then, across that massive expanse of his chest, hands squeezing muscular hips. He glanced up at Steve’s face, but he wasn’t seeing Steve. All he could focus on was that star, that familiar costume, and suddenly he was hearing his father in his head. His hands trembling and he was struggling to catch his breath, his vision greying around the edges.

_“Can’t you be better? Captain America was always strong and brave. “_

_“Not now Tony we have to find Captain America.”_

_“You’ll never be the man Captain America was…”_

“Red,” the husky rasp of his lover broke through the odd miasma that had settled on his mind, and he blinked realizing he was still on his knees before that suit…that goddam suit. Gentle hands were pulling him up then and Tony sort of felt himself snap back together. He gasped, blinking, limbs trembling, his face felt wet.

“Shhhhh, sweetheart.”

_Steve_ …that was Steve’s voice.

Tony barely noticed as he was lead towards the bedroom, big steadying hands holding him gently. Tony continued to gasp for air, his chest feeling tight, he was boarding on a full-blown panic attack. He pulled at his undersuit as it felt constrictive, he needed out of it. Big hands where on his then, helping him out of the material, stripping him down to his boxer briefs he hugged himself tight gulping air and trying not to think, trying not to remember.

Shivering he held himself, jumping when those hands touched him again.

“It’s ok love, come on into bed, deep breaths.”

Still feeling not himself he surrendered to Steve’s tender ministration as he was guided into bed, Steve joining him pulling him close. Tony’s mind finally catching up to him, oh god what had he done….

Gasping he looked at Steve, “I’m sorry I’m so sorry I…I..” a sob erupted from his throat and the tears came then and he couldn’t stop it. The emotions hit him like a freight train and he was completely overwhelmed.

Steve held him close whispering sweet things to him, big hands tenderly caressing his back and Tony eventually subsided hitching sobs against the wet chest of his lover. Long moments later when he was finally feeling more in control, he spoke.

“I’m so sorry Steve,” he croaked.

“Shhh no, nothing to be sorry for,” his lover rasped and Tony curled closer, feeling wrung out and drained.

“I thought I wanted…” he trailed off holding tightly to his lover trying to find the words to explain, "It got too real." He murmured finally giving voice to it, Steve caressed his face with big hands, wiping tear damp cheeks tenderly.

“I suddenly remembered all those times Howard told me I’d never measure up to Captain America….” He spoked voice breaking, “I just couldn’t.”

Steve’s vocal cords rasped, “It’s ok, I understand.”   


Tony knew he did, of anyone in the world, it was Steve that would no doubt understand the best.

“Thank you,” he curled tighter, “For stopping.” He felt his lover kiss his head, thankful yes again for such a kind and compassionate man in his life.

“I will never hurt you, ever,” Steve rasped.

Tony sighed, how did he get so lucky.

“I love you so much Anthony,” and Tony felt those sweet lips near his temple as that raspy voice spoke.

“I love you too Steven,” he murmured eyes closing as he drifted off safe in the embrace of his lover.

End.


End file.
